[He looks down, frowning, thinking as he takes his pipe back and puts it back in his mouth, shifting it to one side.]
I've tried to raise her like I thought you would approve of. Kept her studying, focused, on everything. [Perhaps he was putting to much pressure on the girl, it wouldn't surprise him, but he wants Catherine to be proud of her.]
[Finally, she realizes she's started pulling at her hair again, and lets her hands rest on her lap. One is then moved to Jacob's knee. Again, as the first day, they're two grieving parents. Only this time they have something real to grieve. Their own failure, or perhaps success, depending upon how you view the world.]
She still does, caught her taking over the entire apartment doing it.
[His hand slides from her back to her shoulder furthest away from him to pull her into a hug, to keep her close. At least here there's no one to interrupt them.]
[He pulls her closer and she sighs, shuddering before she finally, finally lets herself process everything. John's words. Revelations about Jacob, about Miranda, about humanity itself. And she still doesn't know what to do but to clutch at the cloth of Jacob's pants and move in just a little closer.
She can't be alone. She's not ready to be alone, even if she tells herself she should be, should be tough, shouldn't let Jacob see her break any more than she already has.
Biting her tongue, she turns her head toward him and presses her cheek to his shoulder.]
All are true. And all of them make her want to shrivel up in a very tiny, dark place for the rest of time. This is more than she was ever prepared for, more than she ever knew she couldn't bear.
Another brief shake, and she puts her far arm awkwardly around him, hooking fingers gently over his hip as she presses her eyes against the fabric of his clothing.]
[He carefully rests his injured hand more on her lap, squeezing her shoulder gently as he nodded. He'll just text the others, ask them what he needs too.
[And she's caving in slowly, very slowly. There are going to be nightmares tonight, and for nights after, of everyone she knows and cares for dying. And she's going to wake up in the morning and pretend that she's fine.
She'll have Jacob, and that somehow makes it infinitely more tolerable.]
You're right.
And we have that chance. I know we've spoken of it before, a second chance. If I can... If I could do everything in my past again, I don't know that I'd change anything. But as for my future, as long as you're here, you are a part of it.
[And he is okay with that. He knows he'll have nightmares for days to come. He'll be clinging to her in the night if she'll let him and he doubts he'll be sleeping well at all. But having her with him, that'll make this entire thing bearable.]
I didn't think you would. [He wouldn't change anything either, between them that is in his past. But that's a kiss to her head again.] As are you in mine, Catherine. You're not getting rid of me that easily.
[In all honesty, it's likely neither of them will sleep until they're too exhausted to stay awake. Perhaps they'll simply lay there and stare at their new unfamiliar ceiling. But they can talk about each other, and Miranda, maybe even about the Spartans, and get some closure in their own ways and times.]
No. I didn't think I was. You've always been the better of the two of us.
[It's an echo of something she's said recently, and she knows that it's still true. Always will be.]
[You know, give him some paint and he'll paint the ceiling like stars. He'll totally try to paint the stars over Luna sometime for her.
But yes, that's probably going to be the case. Getting to know one another again, maybe even let slip some of the stories he's keeping from her. Yes, they can do that.]
And yet, I still love you. What does that make me?
[This is his way of heading her off from "You deserve better than me" talks. He's not going into it again.]
[But now she warms, curling her body toward him ever so slightly at his words. Love. To be loved. It's fascinating, now that she looks at it from the perspective of someone who will lose everything precious in life. She may have taken it for granted before, or not even cared, but for him... For Jacob, she's willing to try to understand it.
She'd love to see the stars. She'd love to show him Endymion, introduce him to her parents, let them see that yes, their impossible child has met her match. Someone who knocks her down a notch just by being close.
My, how things had changed in the last few weeks.
So it's said with affection, a softness she reserves for the greatest of discoveries.]
[And he shifts so they're both comfortable like that. For him it's perfectly natural to love as he does, especially with his life so uncertain. But for her to show it, to cuddle closer he's certain things are worse than he thought.
He'd like to introduce her to his parents, so they can see the woman that's caught his eye and heart. That he's happy.
And to show why he keeps an empty place next to him on benches and in other places with Miranda.
So he's just the touch bit happy in that reply, the slightest bit smug and a lot of just love.]
[There's a bittersweet half smile on her face. He never gets her, does he? He gets her mind and her heart, but he never captures her. He takes care of their daughter and he loves her from a distance and they never find that balance.
This is something like a second chance, but she's not sure how to take it or deal with it. All she wants is to forget everything. For the first time in her life she thinks she might've been happier not knowing something.]
[They never get that balance. He's never given a chance to tell her that, tell her a lot of things he should have. And frankly he's rather happy not to have it at home, he's rather particular about who he wants.
And this is a second chance, and frankly he's rather annoyed at himself for forgetting his cardinal rule; Don't ask about things you don't want to know about.]
Can't say I'm unhappy about how long it's taken, well worth the wait.
[Yes, it only took this insanity to bring them back together, but... At least she knows he's here. For now, he's here, and she can lean on him ever so slightly whenever she loses her bearings. Right now, they're both lost together. And that's... somehow that's okay. She's glad it's him that she's leaning on, whose hand she's able to hold and who at least tries to understand her.]
I'm glad you feel that way. And I'm glad it's you.
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[It weighs on her for a moment, but Jacob would do what was best for Miranda, even if that meant not mentioning her at all.
She turns the pipe over once more before handing it back to him.]
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[He looks down, frowning, thinking as he takes his pipe back and puts it back in his mouth, shifting it to one side.]
I've tried to raise her like I thought you would approve of. Kept her studying, focused, on everything. [Perhaps he was putting to much pressure on the girl, it wouldn't surprise him, but he wants Catherine to be proud of her.]
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[Finally, she realizes she's started pulling at her hair again, and lets her hands rest on her lap. One is then moved to Jacob's knee. Again, as the first day, they're two grieving parents. Only this time they have something real to grieve. Their own failure, or perhaps success, depending upon how you view the world.]
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[His hand slides from her back to her shoulder furthest away from him to pull her into a hug, to keep her close. At least here there's no one to interrupt them.]
She'd put me to shame in some ways I think.
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[He pulls her closer and she sighs, shuddering before she finally, finally lets herself process everything. John's words. Revelations about Jacob, about Miranda, about humanity itself. And she still doesn't know what to do but to clutch at the cloth of Jacob's pants and move in just a little closer.
She can't be alone. She's not ready to be alone, even if she tells herself she should be, should be tough, shouldn't let Jacob see her break any more than she already has.
Biting her tongue, she turns her head toward him and presses her cheek to his shoulder.]
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But instead he just presses her closer to his shoulder, his grip tightening around her and rests his face on top of her head.]
Don't, Catherine. Just don't.
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Don't chastise yourself.
Don't blame yourself.
Don't break.
All are true. And all of them make her want to shrivel up in a very tiny, dark place for the rest of time. This is more than she was ever prepared for, more than she ever knew she couldn't bear.
Another brief shake, and she puts her far arm awkwardly around him, hooking fingers gently over his hip as she presses her eyes against the fabric of his clothing.]
Please stay.
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So instead he just gently kisses her head.]
All you had to do was ask, of course I'll stay.
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Jacob, your hand...
[Now she's pulling herself back together and reaching for his hand, examining it carefully.]
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Will be fine, it's not so bad as the last time it got this way.
[But he's not pulling his hand away.]
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If we find some gauze and some alcohol, I can take care of this.
[But she lets him hold her closer, eventually relenting and releasing his hand.]
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I should be glad it isn't worse, I was afraid I'd have broken something punching the wall.
[But she's not escaping his grip now, nope.]
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[Ignoring the wounds, she rests a hand over his. Part of her wishes she was broken, too. She only hurts on the inside, and that's almost intolerable.]
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You're right, I should've used my other hand. This one's had more than enough abuse for a lifetime.
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[Now she squeezes his hand, and strokes his wrist with her thumb.]
We're both going to make it through this.
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We've got no choice in the matter, we have two others to watch out for, even if they don't think we should.
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She'll have Jacob, and that somehow makes it infinitely more tolerable.]
You're right.
And we have that chance. I know we've spoken of it before, a second chance. If I can... If I could do everything in my past again, I don't know that I'd change anything. But as for my future, as long as you're here, you are a part of it.
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I didn't think you would. [He wouldn't change anything either, between them that is in his past. But that's a kiss to her head again.] As are you in mine, Catherine. You're not getting rid of me that easily.
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No. I didn't think I was. You've always been the better of the two of us.
[It's an echo of something she's said recently, and she knows that it's still true. Always will be.]
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But yes, that's probably going to be the case. Getting to know one another again, maybe even let slip some of the stories he's keeping from her. Yes, they can do that.]
And yet, I still love you. What does that make me?
[This is his way of heading her off from "You deserve better than me" talks. He's not going into it again.]
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[But now she warms, curling her body toward him ever so slightly at his words. Love. To be loved. It's fascinating, now that she looks at it from the perspective of someone who will lose everything precious in life. She may have taken it for granted before, or not even cared, but for him... For Jacob, she's willing to try to understand it.
She'd love to see the stars. She'd love to show him Endymion, introduce him to her parents, let them see that yes, their impossible child has met her match. Someone who knocks her down a notch just by being close.
My, how things had changed in the last few weeks.
So it's said with affection, a softness she reserves for the greatest of discoveries.]
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[And he shifts so they're both comfortable like that. For him it's perfectly natural to love as he does, especially with his life so uncertain. But for her to show it, to cuddle closer he's certain things are worse than he thought.
He'd like to introduce her to his parents, so they can see the woman that's caught his eye and heart. That he's happy.
And to show why he keeps an empty place next to him on benches and in other places with Miranda.
So he's just the touch bit happy in that reply, the slightest bit smug and a lot of just love.]
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This is something like a second chance, but she's not sure how to take it or deal with it. All she wants is to forget everything. For the first time in her life she thinks she might've been happier not knowing something.]
Yes. I suppose you did.
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And this is a second chance, and frankly he's rather annoyed at himself for forgetting his cardinal rule; Don't ask about things you don't want to know about.]
Can't say I'm unhappy about how long it's taken, well worth the wait.
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[Yes, it only took this insanity to bring them back together, but... At least she knows he's here. For now, he's here, and she can lean on him ever so slightly whenever she loses her bearings. Right now, they're both lost together. And that's... somehow that's okay. She's glad it's him that she's leaning on, whose hand she's able to hold and who at least tries to understand her.]
I'm glad you feel that way. And I'm glad it's you.