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[mouthshut]

first.last@compass.net (3) (no subject) D12 63:19PM first.last@compass.net (6) Re: Mission D11 8:01PM first.last@compass.net (12) [text] D10 9:35AM

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[coffeebeforescience]

I'll be fine.

[She smiles. It's strained.]

I'll be just fine.

[mouthshut]

[He slips into that commanding officer role now, because he can.]

If you're not I'll kick your ass when this is all over.

[coffeebeforescience]

Fair. I won't let you down, Commander.

[You know... what happens if she reaches up to the side of his neck pulls him down a little?]

[mouthshut]

Good, Doctor, I'll be very disappointed if you do.

[And he lets her pull him down, perhaps a little further then she meant too but it's habit. He's tall and she's short, and so he has to lean down for whatever it is she wants, though his eyes land on her lips.]

[coffeebeforescience]

[She closes her eyes and pulls him down just a little more, so their lips are almost touching.]

I never should have left.

[mouthshut]

I should have fought harder to keep you.

[And that's his eyes closing now and him finishing that movement so they are kissing.]

[coffeebeforescience]

[They failed miserably, but now... they can have something, at least. Something she needs, even if she didn't need it when she was at home. A week has already started to wear her down.

The kiss is sweet, gentle, but after a moment she has both arms around him and she's pushing things forward little by little.]

[mouthshut]

[They can yes. What it is exactly, well they'll figure that out later, right? It's only been a week, but after everything, somehow he's not surprised.

And he's not surprised at her pushing things forward, and he has both arms around her waist, letting her push it forward while making sure to show that yes, he wants this. Whatever this is.]

[coffeebeforescience]

[Whatever it is, she's not slapping a label or an admission on it. Plausible deniability is written all over everything she does here, just in case. She won't get trapped.

But she's going to stay here like this with him anyway, scared, worried, cornered, her lips on his and her body pressed close enough that she feels like maybe she'll be safe if she just wills it.

Impossible. But she can't stand the thought of John coming after her or any of them, and she certainly can't stand the thought of being that vulnerable.

"Squishy", he'd said.]

[mouthshut]

[They're all squishy, and he can't do anything to change that, he knows that. It makes even him feel vulnerable and he hates that.

So finding something like this to distract himself with from this worries? He'll let her have all the deniability she wants for the moment, even if he wishes she would give it a label so he isn't kicked in the gut with feelings later.

Honestly he's lucky they're on the other side of a bunk for this.]

[coffeebeforescience]

[If he feels vulnerable, she feels a hundred times worse. Because if he's worried, she can't just find strength in him.

And if she gave it a label, she'd break her own willpower. And heaven forbid he ever leaves after she puts a label on things and she's alone.

All she wants right now is to give in and curl up on him like they once had, like a love-struck couple on leave--so much as she was ever able.]

[mouthshut]

[Which he'll feel guilty about later, as he wants to at least be the one they can rely on. Find some amount of strength from.

And he can understand that, he can. Which is probably why any labels will come from her, he doesn't need her leaving over something dumb.

Though he agrees on that, if they could give in maybe it would help here. Maybe. But he's not sure how others would take it so he doesn't say anything about it and instead pulls back from the kiss after a while to place a kiss on her forehead.]

I'm never too far away to be called for anything.

[coffeebeforescience]

[The break is enough to give her pause, to halt her wandering thoughts and make her second-guess her intentions.]

No. I mean yes. I mean... of course. I'll rely on you, if it's necessary.

[mouthshut]

[He watches her for a moment and then kisses her forehead again.]

Alright then.

[And then he's looking at her and leaning down again, maybe for another kiss or maybe to kiss her cheek, it's up to her.]

[coffeebeforescience]

[There's a pause, and she shies away by an inch or so.]

This could be just like it always was, or it could be something completely different. I don't know why this is suddenly occurring to me, but I need to know what you expect.

[mouthshut]

[Ever the gentleman he leans back himself, looking as calm and unflustered as he can.]

I'm expecting nothing. Where ever this goes, is where it goes, Catherine. I'll follow your lead.

[coffeebeforescience]

Thank you.

[She means it, and she sounds relieved. She wanted no expectations, no concerns or regrets or labels.]

[mouthshut]

Of course.

[He doesn't sound expecting or demanding. He sounds like his normal self. It doesn't mean, like before, he wouldn't mind a label but he's not going to say that.]

It's always going to be your lead I follow in this.

[coffeebeforescience]

[There's a soft smile.]

So we can try again.

[mouthshut]

[There's no hesitance in his voice in his answer.]

I'd be more than willing too.

[coffeebeforescience]

[There's a pause before she answers, but it isn't reluctance. It's acceptance.]

While we have the chance, perhaps we should.

[mouthshut]

[He watches her calmly, and then yes, that's a bit of a smile.]

I think we should as well. While we have the chance.

[coffeebeforescience]

[Because eventually something may happen to one or the other of them and, well... Time and distance has both numbed her to her affection and made her crave it even more.]

And while we're at it... keep an eye on each other's backs.

[mouthshut]

[Yes something might, but things tend to happen to them no matter what. And he's lived with a child these last few years, he hasn't had time for any sort of affection from another adult in some time.]

Of course, that was always my plan.

[coffeebeforescience]

I know. It simply bears repeating.

[She hasn't allowed herself any affection since him, not even toward her daughter. There was never time. Or need. Or, in the end, desire.]