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[mouthshut]

first.last@compass.net (3) (no subject) D12 63:19PM first.last@compass.net (6) Re: Mission D11 8:01PM first.last@compass.net (12) [text] D10 9:35AM

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Comments

[coffeebeforescience]

[Him saying it out loud just makes things worse. Of course he'll be fine, once he mourns the daughter he so dearly loved, the daughter who is still just a child to both of them and who now they know will be lost all too soon.

She loses everything.

Not Dr. Halsey. Catherine.

She steadies herself on a crate inside the container. Her voice is hoarse.]

Jacob, I'm not fine.

[mouthshut]

[He can't help punching the door again because her admitting it is so much worse. It makes things real, it makes it so much worse to know that she's cracking and he can't lean on her.

But he can help her, can help her cope with it all and he turns to look at her, pain from his loss written all across his face and tears almost there in his eyes.

It takes him all but a moment to cave and carefully go back to her, that limp still there.]

Then let me help, Catherine.

[coffeebeforescience]

[She lowers herself carefully to sit on the crate, head held in one hand, thumb massaging her temple as the other hand nervously casts through her hair.]

There's too much to process. I can't take one thing at a time and you know--of all people you know how difficult this is. [Don't make it about yourself, Catherine.] What if I never see either of you again? Or any of them? What if I never said goodbye, or anything else I should have said?

[mouthshut]

[He lets her and then carefully sits on a crate next to her, resting his hand against his chest as he digs out his pipe and chews on the tip, finally caving to the habit.]

Make good on those worries here, say goodbye, try and know them, say what you need too. So you know, or they do at least, that you feel that way. That you said what you wanted too. [He leaves his pipe in his mouth as he rests a hand on her back hesitantly, talking around it now.] Don't live in a future you've yet to live, live for the now.

[coffeebeforescience]

I was the one who said it wasn't me, that I don't deserve to be treated like what they were describing. But I do. And I know that--you know that. But when it's passed in front of me, I have to admit it's difficult.

[She glances up when he starts talking around the pipe. It's oddly soothing when he does that, and it helps her fight back the tears that are welling up, calms the lump in her throat.]

It's difficult to comprehend any of it.

[A cough. Things are crashing down, mentally, and she can feel her mind spiraling into a place she's never had it go, somewhere she wants to pull out of but can't.]

[mouthshut]

[He's using it to not cry himself, so if it helps her then it's a bonus, and he just adjusts it carefully with his injured hand.]

The future usually is, it's why we can't see it. [Why is he getting all wise? He rubs her back though at her cough, hoping it helps her in some way.]

All we can do is be ourselves, and hope they realize we aren't our future selves. Don't try and comprehend something you may never understand while here.

[coffeebeforescience]

There are things I cannot set right. Things I won't set right.

[A long breath now, and she calms herself, her voice steadying.]

I'm not sure if I want to try. But I would give so much to see Miranda again. Just to tell her... that I love her. That I'm proud of her, no matter what she does. That I should've been there.

[She's actually shocked at her own words, that she's allowing anything to come from her heart, but... Maybe if she says it now she'll never have to say it again.]

[mouthshut]

[He keeps rubbing her back, wincing as he lets his fingers curl up but otherwise doesn't show his problems there.]

At least she would know, she would know a lot of things if you told her. I think it would do you both good if you did, I know there have been times I wish you were there for her.

[He's happy for this, happy for a lot of things, but mostly that she wants to share that with her. To have his ladies getting along, to have them talking, that's really more than he could ever ask.

It's a nice dream, even if it'll never happen. But at least it's something Catherine, to some extent, seems to share.]

[coffeebeforescience]

[She shares it, if only because of the hell they're going through. She misses her somewhat comfortable office right now. The coffee. The idle letters she wrote and never sent.]

My work was always so much more important. More urgent. She deserved to be cared for.

[mouthshut]

[He misses his bed, his couch, the warm blanket he had to curl up under. The letters he had and never sent. The drinks.]

She, doesn't understand it, many don't. She was lucky I was grounded when you brought her too me, I can't promise I'll be there in the coming years.

[He has a ship, and for the first time in a while he's realizing what it's taking him away from.]

[coffeebeforescience]

Of course you won't be. And she'll be like both of us. Too smart for her own good.

[Reaching for the pipe, now.]

[mouthshut]

[He won't even bat her hand away! He just shakes his head.]

She already is, studying old naval battles and the like. She likes museums too.

[coffeebeforescience]

[Taking the pipe from his mouth, she sighs again. The heirloom is turned over and over in her hands, passed between her fingers curiously.]

I'm guessing they're not science museums.

[mouthshut]

[He watches her play with it, keeping his hand pressed to his chest now as he does. With her he knows it's safe.]

On occasion, can't live on Luna without them being around. I try to keep her interests varied.

[coffeebeforescience]

Does she ever talk about me?

[Cradling the pipe in both hands, she holds it near her chin, inhaling the faint aroma of long-gone tobacco.]

[mouthshut]

[He wants to lie and say yes. That she asks all the time, but no, he can't and looks away.]

No, she studies too much to ever ask about anything. Except what ship I'm on. [He feels like, in some ways, he's failed Catherine in that regard.]

[coffeebeforescience]

Good.

[It weighs on her for a moment, but Jacob would do what was best for Miranda, even if that meant not mentioning her at all.

She turns the pipe over once more before handing it back to him.]

[mouthshut]

I...

[He looks down, frowning, thinking as he takes his pipe back and puts it back in his mouth, shifting it to one side.]

I've tried to raise her like I thought you would approve of. Kept her studying, focused, on everything. [Perhaps he was putting to much pressure on the girl, it wouldn't surprise him, but he wants Catherine to be proud of her.]

[coffeebeforescience]

She always enjoyed learning new things.

[Finally, she realizes she's started pulling at her hair again, and lets her hands rest on her lap. One is then moved to Jacob's knee. Again, as the first day, they're two grieving parents. Only this time they have something real to grieve. Their own failure, or perhaps success, depending upon how you view the world.]

[mouthshut]

She still does, caught her taking over the entire apartment doing it.

[His hand slides from her back to her shoulder furthest away from him to pull her into a hug, to keep her close. At least here there's no one to interrupt them.]

She'd put me to shame in some ways I think.

[coffeebeforescience]

I can only hope--

[He pulls her closer and she sighs, shuddering before she finally, finally lets herself process everything. John's words. Revelations about Jacob, about Miranda, about humanity itself. And she still doesn't know what to do but to clutch at the cloth of Jacob's pants and move in just a little closer.

She can't be alone. She's not ready to be alone, even if she tells herself she should be, should be tough, shouldn't let Jacob see her break any more than she already has.

Biting her tongue, she turns her head toward him and presses her cheek to his shoulder.]

[mouthshut]

[He doesn't know right now, blissfully unaware of his fate. Because if he knew right then how he dies, well, this would be entirely different.

But instead he just presses her closer to his shoulder, his grip tightening around her and rests his face on top of her head.]

Don't, Catherine. Just don't.

[coffeebeforescience]

[Don't? She could take that so many ways.

Don't chastise yourself.

Don't blame yourself.

Don't break.

All are true. And all of them make her want to shrivel up in a very tiny, dark place for the rest of time. This is more than she was ever prepared for, more than she ever knew she couldn't bear.

Another brief shake, and she puts her far arm awkwardly around him, hooking fingers gently over his hip as she presses her eyes against the fabric of his clothing.]

Please stay.

[mouthshut]

[He carefully rests his injured hand more on her lap, squeezing her shoulder gently as he nodded. He'll just text the others, ask them what he needs too.

So instead he just gently kisses her head.]

All you had to do was ask, of course I'll stay.

[coffeebeforescience]

[She glances down at his hand, then quietly gasps.]

Jacob, your hand...

[Now she's pulling herself back together and reaching for his hand, examining it carefully.]