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From:

coffeebeforescience

That's not how I meant it.

[But she wouldn't trade her life for theirs because she knows in her heart that what she knows and what she can do is just as valuable. She knows that she holds the key to so many things.

It tears her up that she even thinks this, and she manages to make a small, strangled noise before clearing her throat and walking over to him. Though she's somewhat worried about what he'll do, she puts a hand in between his shoulder blades, fingertips barely touching his back.]

From:

mouthshut

You're valuable, Catherine, what you can do, what you know. We're not.

[And he knows it too. He knows what she can do will save lives, save humanity and he would trade his life for hers if she was ever in danger, but mostly out of the fact that he cares for her and not the knowledge she has, what she can do is just a good excuse. It's what he signed up for after all, he's just not used to knowing that's what it takes for him and his daughter, for his family.

He just flexes his fingers slightly at her touch and shakes his head.]

From:

coffeebeforescience

Not that it matters for much anymore, not that you'll care, but you're valuable to me. Jacob, if I could have done more for us, I would have. For Miranda, too.

[Emboldened, she flattens her hand against his back and steps in closer. He's so tall. He's too tall. She's always thought so. She wants to lean in and put her head on his shoulder and do something, anything, to make this stop.

Maybe she should never have told him. Let him live in ignorance. Try to be merciful. Maybe she should have started out with the truth about the Spartans--her Spartans--and the darkness hidden in her own heart. She started all of this to put down humans, and what did it become? What did they all become? Casualties. Even her. Her own humanity set aside for this.

What is she anymore but a monster?

Yes, Miranda deserved better, deserves her father's love and his grief and his turmoil and Catherine can't do anything but watch in muted sorrow. She let herself die on the inside years ago. She had to.]

From:

mouthshut

I love you too, Catherine.

[But he knows, above them are her Spartans. She says my Spartans after all, above him and Miranda is her work. But no, right now he can live with knowing that in her own way she cares about them.

He would have preferred not knowing about her death, he would have liked to just think that Miranda is alive and eventually has a family. Or something of the sort, let himself think that she gets that future he never had. But he is thankful it's her that tells him. John would have been awkward, Cortana as well.

Feeling her touch though he smiles some but doesn't move, he'll move in a bit if she doesn't make a move soon, and lifts his head up some. He wants this to stop but he's rather lost on how to make it stop, hoping she knows a way.

He's lost and for once he doesn't know how to handle it.]

From:

coffeebeforescience

I don't...

[She runs her hands down his back, frowning, thinking to deny it, but he has a point. If she's going to love anyone, it should be her family. She can't find that specific emotion, doesn't know its root anymore and couldn't identify it if it smacked her in the face, but as she steps in and places her cheek against the back of his shoulder, murmuring another apology, she knows he's right.

She doesn't deserve it. And now she knows that she'll lose everything she ever needed, wanted, had to have to survive. She'll let it all go, somehow, and she'll survive.

One of her arms winds around him. For once, there aren't any words on her lips. Nothing springs forth from her head but apologies that mean nothing because she's not really sorry for much.

Sorry she told him the way she did. Sorry she was a terrible mother. Eternally sorry that she could never give Jacob what he deserved.]

From:

mouthshut

[No, he knows he's right because if she didn't love him, love Miranda, she wouldn't have wanted to tell him in person. She wouldn't have given him Miranda to raise, and for all of his issues with that, he knows it was out of a good place.

Some place in her heart she cares, even with her Spartans, she just doesn't know how to handle it. To him, she deserves it and he just wishes her daughter could see it.

He doesn't envy her living after all of it with just John. If he were in her shoes, honestly he's not sure how he would handle it and in a way is happy he never has too.

Instead he just wraps an arm around her after leaning his weight on his other hand, ignoring the bloody knuckles from punching metal, and finally lets the tears fall. It didn't take dying or anything this place could throw at him to make him do that, it took just learning about his future.

And he's not sure what it says about him.]

Come here. [Let him hold her, let him at least comfort her after raging at her earlier, letting his composure go, for being a father.]

From:

coffeebeforescience

[She shifts, stepping to the side and letting herself be wrapped up in him. But it's more for him than it is for her. She's stone cold. She'll deal. Jacob, on the other hand, needs to truly mourn. To learn to cope with the fact that their little girl is going to grow up to be a hero--and she doesn't know the details, but from a Keyes? That's what she expects. Never from a Halsey. But from Jacob's daughter, she expects it and would be shocked at anything less. But the future is a hard thing to stomach, and though she's not sorry she asked, she's sorry she needed to tell Jacob.

On some level, she hates that she lives. Hates that all she'll have left are her memories and maybe a handful of people she cares about. Maybe. All she knows is the meager information John has told her, which isn't much.

Names. Numbers. She has them all memorized. Etched into her mind. And she loves as best she knows how by doing nothing but her work, working in tribute and in the hopes of saving everything and everyone.

Silently, she buries her head against his chest, arms tight around his waist. There's still so much to be said, but she can't find the words or the heart to say it. That she's a villain. That she's stained herself for the good of humankind. That she ought to be branded a monster by so many.

She imagines she ends up breaking every rule on the books.

The love of a good man like Jacob Keyes is far beyond what she deserves.]

From:

mouthshut

[It really is for himself that he's asking for her to be there, because he needs someone to hold and cope with this. Someone that if he started talking too, they would understand what's going on and would set him straight. How can he deal with knowing his daughter is going to go on, be a hero, and die? That out of them, Catherine's the one to live and see them both die. That he has to let her deal with it by herself. He's mourning really for them all, something she may not understand but for him, well he has to so he can cope.

He has the names of the children he helped her find memorized, he has a feeling he'll have Miranda's service number memorized when she enlists. All he can do is try and remember them all and do what he can to show that their faith in him is warranted.

That he's not as much of a failure as he feels, as both an officer in some ways still trying to prove himself, and a father for letting his daughter die after him.

But he'd never say that she doesn't deserve love, that out of everything she needs it as much as they do. Who else needs it more?

He just holds her tight to him, resting his forehead on top of her head, and cries. It's all he can do for a future he'll never see.]

From:

coffeebeforescience

[As he held her after she died, so she holds him now, resisting the urge to make any sort of a move to comfort him other than running her hands idly up and down his lower back. What good would words do? What good does anything do? She wants simply to hold him, to let him be the better person of the two of them, to let him mourn everything she can't.

As she closes her eyes, there are faces in her mind. Her Spartans. Miranda. Jacob. Her parents. All she loved and left behind. At a gentle shake of his shoulders, she finally feels it all hit her, a lump rising in her throat as a cold, hollow feeling sweeps through her chest.

She won't cry, but she will let herself feel, if only for a moment, the weight of the world hitting her. Her responsibilities. Everything that's been on her head. The ways she tried to escape them, to be normal, to love and be loved.

Jacob was her world briefly and brightly, and she looks back on that time as something grand, something she wished could have lasted. And now she knows she'll lose him for good, likely well before his time. And her daughter, too. Her daughter who probably never loved her or wanted anything to do with her.

For now, thankfully, she has Jacob. And right now, she'll be as strong as she can for him.]

From:

mouthshut

[He wouldn't mind much else, it's not like they'll be seen but he doesn't care. She can choose how to comfort him, he won't care if it's with words or actions. He just wants to mourn it all before he confronts John.

He's never been one to seek out comfort or love, he just does what he does and hopes for someone to take notice of it all. But he does know when to not comment on it, and instead just pulls her closer and lets her mourn or love how she likes, he can't and won't judge her and instead just lets her be.

But soon enough he gets a hold of himself, letting his composure come back, but he doesn't let her go. He'd rather not really.]

What else did you learn? [He'll ask her or he'll ask John or Cortana really at this point he's just asking so he can focus on other things.]

From:

coffeebeforescience

Some time ago...

[She takes a deep breath, then sighs.]

Cortana told me of her origin. What has she told you?

From:

mouthshut

[He shifts so it's his cheek is resting on her head.]

That she's nearing the operational lifespan of an AI of her type, that's all.

[How many things is he going to throw?]

From:

coffeebeforescience

I made her. She's one of mine.

[Another deep breath.]

She's what's called a "smart" AI, of course.

From:

mouthshut

[He nods, that makes sense. He's pretty sure Cortana told him similar but he can't remember.]

Of course, she can do anything, right? Not programmed for one specific task.

From:

coffeebeforescience

[Forgive her for what she's about to say.]

Do you know how they're created?

From:

mouthshut

[He tilts his head, thinking.]

Not really, no. I've never asked.

From:

coffeebeforescience

Good.

[She'll leave it at that.]

From:

mouthshut

Catherine.

[No, don't leave it like that. Spill.]

From:

coffeebeforescience

I broke several major laws to create Cortana, from what I'm told. I cloned myself.

[A pause.] Or I will, at least.

From:

mouthshut

[Wait wait, how would that...

Well no, wait brains. They were like, the only thing to be used for that, right? If so then...]

You...[He's not sure how to take this. He's tired from earlier and just can't comprehend it.] Why?

From:

coffeebeforescience

Narcissism, perhaps? I'm not entirely certain. It won't happen for another several years.

[A shrug.]

Perhaps the situation made it necessary.

From:

mouthshut

[He can imagine a situation needing it, in fact he's going to just assume that and hope it's the right thing. That a situation would require an AI based on her. Yes.]

I can believe that. [He's back to resting his cheek on her head.] You know how old she is then?